September 14, 2012
IS Kate Middleton TOO Thin?
Is Kate Middleton too thin? Yes. Obviously, yes. We here at tablahblah are working with close friends of the Duchess in order to help her identify and strive for the Ideal Weight. As yet, Kate is unreceptive to our interventions.
She smiles through her pain
As these privately gathered pictures show, Kate is struggling through the sometimes together, oft-apart marital state that is unique to royalty by working on her appearance.
Is this a result of over-exercise or the knife?
Of course, having access to the Royal millions and many London connections, Kate is able to achieve consultations with the most sought after and even quite highly skilled plastic surgeons. Much as with images of Princess Diana, who some would say was her “predecessor” in the media limelight and the hearts of the public, it is possible to look at pictures of the young newlywed from different angles and clearly speculate that there may have already been work done on the face of this classic English Rose.
Kate is "stick-ing" on the "arm" of her airforce husband
We’ve all heard someone making comments about how thin Kate’s arms look, and we can see here that there’s an obvious plastic-y texture to her body. Making her maiden speech as a Royal to sick children might not have been such a good idea when Kate is obviously something less than a role model to today’s youth.
Can’t you be happy with the body you were born with, Kate?
Coming next week: the permenant damage that women like Kate do to their feet by wearing crippling skyscraper heels.
We'd love to borrow your Louboutins, Kate!
Great public uteruses of history
When offered the part of the Virgin Mary, the Duchess replied in a manner that cannot be repeated. However it is of course traditional that the Royal Family become involved in the country’s Christmas celebrations, and as such – and as the newest member of the family – she was most unusually allowed to choose her own role.
Beautiful.
The only way is forwards
“I’ll fucking do it! Don’t FUCKING PUSH ME!”
Pregnant schmegnant peanut schmeanut
Your problem, Kate, is that you love peanut paste TOO much.
Once you pop you just can’t stop, huh? But it seems you’ve acknowledged your problem, and want to keep it out of official occasions. That’s why you refused that peanut paste – because you knew you’d hulk out.
That’s fair.
EXCLUSIVE: Royals apologise to Kate Middleton
“How could we EVER have thought you needed lessons on how to be royalty?”
Was the cry that rang out from Buckingham Palace last night, following the unearthing of these candid photographs of the Duchess (then only K-Middy from the block) from late 2007.
And quite right, too.
Quite right.
Kate Snubs Tabloid Predictions And Steps Out Looking Like A Trashy Slag
Tabloids are shitting themselves in embarrassment after predicting that K-Middy WOULDN’T wear the “Carnival-ispired” creations seen from Issa at London Fashion Week. She’s done it again! Pushed the envelope and pushed it hard!
Spotted out shopping in the boring, dull, achingly backward and generally no good countryside (ugh), her Duchiness showed that the one thing wrong with Issa’s designs were – no surprise – a lack of natively-sourced resources! BRITISHNESS! Seen here in a custom-made headdress and torso decoration, it’s clear that the lesser known giant pheasant is due for a comeback in fashion circles soon. Kate wears its feathers to perfection, and shows that even a Prince can’t expect to spend time at work saving lives and leave his mature, considered and understanding life-partner at home.. and expect her to sit and do the shopping quietly! What a stupid bastard! Let’s all hope their marriage fails!
